Ask for more information or highlight something that was said.Paraphrase or summarize, to see if we got it right.Ask clarifying questions about anything we aren’t sure about.Once we’ve paid good attention, we are in a position to It makes sense that effective communication follows from paying attention. and quite possible the most neglected aspect!! Paying Attention is the Most Important Aspect of Effective Communication. Make sense? Here is a visual to reinforce the point:Ĭatch my drift? Enough said. If however, your non-verbal body language does not indicate interest, then you will undermine your intended message. Therefore, IF these things are in synch with our words, they will reinforce the message to the speaker that we are concerned about what they have to say. Our body language, eye contact, breathing, sighs, and hand gestures will all play a part in communicating our message. Or, “I’m confused….help me understand where you are coming from…” Non-verbal Communication Shows we are Paying Attention Or perhaps, “Help me understand what you are saying/doing”. Say to the person “here is what I have heard tell me your side of the story please”. Active Listening is a great tool in this situation. Try to find out the missing pieces to the situation, then come to a conclusion, whatever that may be.
#PAID ATTENTION FULL#
It simply means you realize that you don’t know the whole story, and you aren’t going to jump to negative conclusions without having the full story. Giving others the benefit of the doubt doesn’t mean being blind or naive. I only hope I’ve gotten better at giving people the benefit of the doubt as I’ve lived and learned from experience. Ask yourself: can I give my friend the benefit of the doubt until I can tell them what I’ve heard and ask them for their side of the story? Or should I assume that my friend has back-stabbed me and be hurt? It’s your choice, but please make this a conscious choice.Īs a mental health counselor, and especially as a couples counselor, I have seen so much pain and hurt in relationships caused by people making negative assumptions based on partial information.
What just happened? We heard something, second-hand, and made an assumption that this is what actually happened. For some of us, we immediately feel hurt. Think about it: Someone we think is a reliable source tells us that one of our friends has said something bad about us. While this is useful and necessary at times, it really harms our relationships with others at other times. What does your brain usually do? It fills in the blanks with assumptions. How many times have you encountered a situation where you know part of the story. One other crucial factor in being an effective listener and communicator is giving people the benefit of the doubt. If this is not possible, I strongly suggest doing some self-soothing exercises to get yourself into a better emotional space quicklyĪn excellent article on good listening practices can be found here. In other words, if you are angry, frustrated, anxious, etc., it’s probably a good idea to wait and have the conversation at a later time. If you work at this, you will get better. More practice….be persistent and patient with yourself.In addition, some things that can help you improve on your ability to focus in on what the speaker is saying are I must emphasize the need for practicing this, and being persistent and patient with yourself as you do. However, with practice, almost anyone can greatly improve their ability to truly zero in on what’s being said by another person at that moment. Okay, now this one really is tough!! I’ve done this countless times. Not thinking about what we’re going to say next.This is extremely important, because if you follow up by asking them more about these things, you show them that you care about what is important to them! This goes a long, long way in building trust and rapport with someone. Paying close attention to the words and phrases he/she uses to describe themselves and what is important to them.Okay, almost never.we are only human, after all! I have to work on this one myself. Giving them our full, undivided attention (good eye contact, a body posture that shows we’re really paying attention, and facial expression that is consistent with our sincere intent to pay attention).
By this I mean….the art of truly paying attention. One of the most underrated (and sadly, undervalued) things in our society is the art of listening. Paying Attention (Listening to Others) Makes All the Difference
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